Monday, April 18, 2011

Something to be thankful for

"I run in the paths of your commands, for you have set my heart free."
Psalm 119:32

It's been a long day - as usual, a nice long Monday to start off the work week. I'm driving home finally at the end of the day. As I exit the city and get on the highway, I notice every single runner out there. Little twinges of jealousy start to itch as I wish I had the time to be out there enjoying the weather, and the pain-free hips and joints to be able to enjoy moving freely. I try to squash this itchy feeling that I must get outside and move.. especially I'm stuck in my car for the long commute home.

It's somewhere along the road, as I'm heading westbound into the sunset, that I realize I can't stop smiling at everything that God has given me. I involuntarily smile at the sun, and the flowering trees that line the otherwise dreary Interstate 66 back home. I keep daydreaming of being outside and running free - when it hits me: now, after the surgery, I really will be able to run free.

Before the surgery, the whole impending doom of my-heart-could-explode-at-any-time thing left me almost always holding something back. I was always a little afraid. It certainly tinged all the activities I was doing a little gray - there was something a little guilty about them. But this allowed God to show up in big ways to those around me. Me running, hiking, climbing was me almost recklessly giving God a stage to glorify Himself on. After surgery, I was worried that now this stage was taken away - how will I glorify God now?

It was today that I finally realized - I can run free.

I've been telling everyone that knew about my ten mile race the beginning of April, when they ask the inevitable, "How did you do??" - I say: "I busted my hip! Of all things, after all I've been through, I go and bust my hip! The heart - yeah it was a champ - but did you see how I can't walk!? How silly is that??" I would focus on what God has taken away - not what he gave me in return.

He gave me the freedom to run, jump, hop, skim, climb, rappel, swim, leap, dive - you name it - without worrying about my heart.

It's been 5 months since surgery now. And it's taken this long for me to realize what a gift I've been given. God, I'm so sorry it took me longer to realize you have set me free, in so many ways.

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