I'm not ready to continue my "Runner's Stages of Grief" from yesterday yet, but I'm realizing I've got more lessons to learn.
I went through heart surgery just over 11 months ago. Besides the healing my body needed to do, I don't think I went through the emotional and spiritual healing I needed to do, too. I was completely in denial that I needed anything other than physical healing.
I wanted to share my story of literal heartbreak rebounding to run a marathon, but I came to the realization that I wanted this story shared for my own glory, not for God's.
I stopped seeing running as the glorious gift that it was. It became a distraction from my other problems. It became a justification for my other problems. It became all-consuming and painful. I did nothing in moderation, and convinced myself that if I could run, than all my other problems could be solved. I did not admit or consider that my problems could be solved without running, especially since they'd always been the answer before.
Now I find myself in the position of having running taken away from me again. But this time, I'm determined to learn a lesson from it that I did not before. I am not invincible. I am not patient. I still require all kinds of healing. I only practice moderation in moderation.
I need to stop running like there's no tomorrow, because I need to finally admit to myself that I will have a tomorrow. That my disease and poor health tend to limit my focus to my immediate needs - I don't think about how I'll be doing or living in 5 or 10 years. I need finally make goals that span that long and longer, and stop planning like I won't be around to achieve them. I need to trust in God that He'll provide my health for me down the road.