The little things

Sometimes its not the big things that get in our way or cause us to stumble. It's the little things, and especially the little things piled up that really humble us.

One of the hard lessons I've learned lately is that I'm not unstoppable or completely independent - much as I'd like to pretend that I can do anything by myself. To be reminded of this, it takes me being half-debilitated by a medicine change to admit my vulnerabilities.

Which leads me to my next lessons: 1) if it isn't broken don't fix it (at least when it comes to your health), and 2) you pay what you get for in medicine. Maybe these aren't universal truths. But when I approached my cardiologist two weeks ago asking to change my blood pressure medication, I should have known better. The medication (coreg CR) was working just fine. My only qualm with it was that it was $50 a month; so I asked for something cheaper, something available as a generic. This turned out to be a huge mistake that took away the precarious fine health I enjoyed.

I stopped the coreg on Friday (when I used my last of the old prescription), took nothing Saturday, got the new medication Sunday, then finally took it Monday evening when I came home. That night I didn't sleep - literally stayed awake the entire night - and then attempted to go to work the next day. I should probably add that I ran about 20 miles over the weekend. Tuesday at work I made it about an hour before my body started shutting down, and was a slug the rest of the day. Wednesday did not fare much better, and to worsen the problem, the AC at my rented room/house blew. All these blood pressure changes left me dizzy, nauseous, depressed, tired. Which also did not improve my issues with this rented room; I gave my 30 days notice and stayed at my aunt's house ever since.

There have been many discussions in the midst of all this. I called my cardiologist's office and she's out of town; another doctor approved my request to go back on the coreg. I've had a lot of difficult conversations with myself and others as I was on the forced slow-down. I hope and pray that I've learned something valuable from this and that God will give me my health and energy back. Mostly, that I'll really allow myself to be filled by Him and rely ONLY on Him.