So I hope you know by now that I have a pretty crazy story.
Please help me continue to write it and share it.
I'm running the 2011 Marine Corps Marathon on October 30. Just under a year after open-heart surgery. I want to celebrate this by running the 26.2 for the Semper Fi Fund: join me?? If you've got a better excuse than I do to NOT run a marathon, then please consider donating. If you don't have a better excuse than I do to not run a marathon, consider donating. :)
http://www.active.com/donate/semperfifundmcm2011/fundTAshley
It's my prayer that throughout all of this I can be bold and consistent in giving the glory to God and using it as an opportunity to boldly declare how sweet He is, and how good He is to me, and to you.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Lessons (not) learned
I wish I could say I've found something really profound to share. I guess the profound thing is the lack of profoundness? Um, let me explain that one.
As I have found myself more physically able to pick up my insane schedule again, I have found myself focusing less and less on God, less intentional about devotions. And what have I learned? Nothing! That's my point exactly.
When we take away our focus from the one who we should be glorifying, we often end up glorifying ourselves instead. And we know how that ends up: it's like building our foundation on sand instead of the bedrock it should be on. It only takes one little event to knock everything you've carefully–but foolishly–constructed to come tumbling down.
I confess to having been extremely consumed with running lately. I would intentionally use it as a time of worship, but I admit I've been distracted on my runs. My goal with running has always been as something that is part of a balanced, healthy lifestyle, sort of like a healthy prescription (runners know it can totally be like a drug, and addicting!). I wanted to be running and training in a way I could keep up my whole life. Have I always achieved that goal? Not so much. This time around, I thought it would be BRILLIANT of me to change up my stride two weeks before a race (despite frequent advice from my =PR= Running coach to never try anything new right before a race). I was faster, it felt more comfortable...right up until I couldn't walk. Race day, instead of it being a glorious debut, I was in pain the entire time. The heart was AWESOME, and stayed in a comfortable zone the entire 10-miler. Instead, I literally limped along for 10 miles at a 12:24 pace - a minute behind my last long run.
If I were to look at this with a me-perspective, I am tempted to be disappointed and frustrated. But I am determined to keep this race in perspective with all that God has blessed me with, especially over the past 5 months. It's amazing (and quite humbling) that 5 months after open-heart surgery I race 10 miles, even more so that the trouble that bothers me race day isn't the heart, but a stupid left hip I injured due to my pride. It's also promising.. which I think is a weird word to use considering I'm injured and my 'short-term' outlook isn't sunny. But it's promising in the sense that He's given me a big, healthy heart and the ability to run again.
It really is a GIFT to be running again, and the only one who can take that away is me - through trying to run on my own, and not by His grace.
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1
As I have found myself more physically able to pick up my insane schedule again, I have found myself focusing less and less on God, less intentional about devotions. And what have I learned? Nothing! That's my point exactly.
When we take away our focus from the one who we should be glorifying, we often end up glorifying ourselves instead. And we know how that ends up: it's like building our foundation on sand instead of the bedrock it should be on. It only takes one little event to knock everything you've carefully–but foolishly–constructed to come tumbling down.
I confess to having been extremely consumed with running lately. I would intentionally use it as a time of worship, but I admit I've been distracted on my runs. My goal with running has always been as something that is part of a balanced, healthy lifestyle, sort of like a healthy prescription (runners know it can totally be like a drug, and addicting!). I wanted to be running and training in a way I could keep up my whole life. Have I always achieved that goal? Not so much. This time around, I thought it would be BRILLIANT of me to change up my stride two weeks before a race (despite frequent advice from my =PR= Running coach to never try anything new right before a race). I was faster, it felt more comfortable...right up until I couldn't walk. Race day, instead of it being a glorious debut, I was in pain the entire time. The heart was AWESOME, and stayed in a comfortable zone the entire 10-miler. Instead, I literally limped along for 10 miles at a 12:24 pace - a minute behind my last long run.
If I were to look at this with a me-perspective, I am tempted to be disappointed and frustrated. But I am determined to keep this race in perspective with all that God has blessed me with, especially over the past 5 months. It's amazing (and quite humbling) that 5 months after open-heart surgery I race 10 miles, even more so that the trouble that bothers me race day isn't the heart, but a stupid left hip I injured due to my pride. It's also promising.. which I think is a weird word to use considering I'm injured and my 'short-term' outlook isn't sunny. But it's promising in the sense that He's given me a big, healthy heart and the ability to run again.
It really is a GIFT to be running again, and the only one who can take that away is me - through trying to run on my own, and not by His grace.
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1
Friday, March 25, 2011
Born to Run
I am so blessed to be running again. One reason I'm thankful for that is that I've got that time where I am alone, and alone with God in a way that could never be duplicated throughout the rest of my day. For someone who is constantly moving (and perpetually running late), having some built-in time where I am really alone and able to focus is precious. For six months this has been gone, but now I've got this way to worship back, thank God!
During these moments I've had some dates and numbers in my mind:
- Thanksgiving 2009, first 5k, and where I caught this running bug..
- February 2010, 1st half marathon (~3:03)
- May 2010, 2nd half marathon (~2:47)
- September 2010, 3rd half marathon (~2:27) (and the last time I was allowed to run)
- November 9, 2010, heart surgery
- January 31, 2011, first day of running with the Surgeon's blessing!
(- January 10, 2011 'illegally' ran my first mile)
- April 3, 2011 Cherry Blossom 10 miler
- September 2011, half marathon
- October 2011 MARINE CORP MARATHON
It's been almost 20 weeks since heart surgery. I've been able to run about 50 miles during the month of February. I'll have run about 70 in March. I'm getting stronger and faster, and able to run farther every week. I'm just in awe of all of it. I can't stress enough what a gift it is to just be able to run again. I've said it before, it makes feel me invincible to have been through everything and yet still be able to run. I know it's not me who's invincible, but God who's given me the strength to do everything. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26).
As I keep running, I'm trying to keep in mind what all these heart surgery adventures have taught me. I think they're still teaching me.
During these moments I've had some dates and numbers in my mind:
- Thanksgiving 2009, first 5k, and where I caught this running bug..
- February 2010, 1st half marathon (~3:03)
- May 2010, 2nd half marathon (~2:47)
- September 2010, 3rd half marathon (~2:27) (and the last time I was allowed to run)
- November 9, 2010, heart surgery
- January 31, 2011, first day of running with the Surgeon's blessing!
(- January 10, 2011 'illegally' ran my first mile)
- April 3, 2011 Cherry Blossom 10 miler
- September 2011, half marathon
- October 2011 MARINE CORP MARATHON
It's been almost 20 weeks since heart surgery. I've been able to run about 50 miles during the month of February. I'll have run about 70 in March. I'm getting stronger and faster, and able to run farther every week. I'm just in awe of all of it. I can't stress enough what a gift it is to just be able to run again. I've said it before, it makes feel me invincible to have been through everything and yet still be able to run. I know it's not me who's invincible, but God who's given me the strength to do everything. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26).
As I keep running, I'm trying to keep in mind what all these heart surgery adventures have taught me. I think they're still teaching me.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Worship Like This - part 1
In the last moments Jesus spent on earth with his disciples, he tells them this:
"'This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.'
When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God." Luke 24:46-53
There is so much in this passage... and over the next several posts, I would like to really work through all of it. But to start, I want to focus on the worship.
Place yourself in the shoes of these disciples: you've been through great grief over the past three days. The person you've followed for three years has been brutally, senselessly crucified. And Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you were without hope. But then, Sunday he finally reveals himself to you - he is alive! "Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" (Luke 24:26) In these glorious moments reunited with your Savior he speaks to you, promising you power from on high, blessing you. And then he's taken back up into heaven.
THIS is the stage on which the disciples worshiped.
Each of us should worship as these disciples did on that night. Each of us should worship as if we've seen and touched the risen Christ. Each of us should worship as if we've seen him ascend into heaven ourselves. Just close your eyes and imagine this scene set in the end of Luke. It's breath-taking to place ourselves in the disciples shoes and imagine the raw power and glory they witnessed. How real Christ was to these people! Because this great joy that they had, it's ours too. The promises, the blessings they received, these are also ours. Jesus is just as present in our lives as he was in theirs.
"Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him," (Luke 24:31a). Have your eyes been opened to how Christ works in your life? Can you recognize Christ in your life? Is he real to you? When Christ becomes as real to you as he was to the disciples, you can begin to worship as the disciples did.
"'This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.'
When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God." Luke 24:46-53
There is so much in this passage... and over the next several posts, I would like to really work through all of it. But to start, I want to focus on the worship.
Place yourself in the shoes of these disciples: you've been through great grief over the past three days. The person you've followed for three years has been brutally, senselessly crucified. And Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you were without hope. But then, Sunday he finally reveals himself to you - he is alive! "Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" (Luke 24:26) In these glorious moments reunited with your Savior he speaks to you, promising you power from on high, blessing you. And then he's taken back up into heaven.
THIS is the stage on which the disciples worshiped.
Each of us should worship as these disciples did on that night. Each of us should worship as if we've seen and touched the risen Christ. Each of us should worship as if we've seen him ascend into heaven ourselves. Just close your eyes and imagine this scene set in the end of Luke. It's breath-taking to place ourselves in the disciples shoes and imagine the raw power and glory they witnessed. How real Christ was to these people! Because this great joy that they had, it's ours too. The promises, the blessings they received, these are also ours. Jesus is just as present in our lives as he was in theirs.
"Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him," (Luke 24:31a). Have your eyes been opened to how Christ works in your life? Can you recognize Christ in your life? Is he real to you? When Christ becomes as real to you as he was to the disciples, you can begin to worship as the disciples did.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Vision Casting
What follows is part of an email from a church called Relevant that I follow in Tampa, Florida. Watching them grow over the years has been amazing - and recently they've taken a big step: moving from having Sunday services in the upstairs of a club to having their own building, their own church. It's a huge time of growth for them. The email below is the weekly update from their pastor, Paul Wirth. He wraps up so perfectly what we're trying to do now for Hopewell, so I'm shamelessly stealing:
"I hope that all of you have had a productive and enjoyable week. For me, this has been one of those weeks that I am sure I will look back on for years to come and say that was the week everything changed. This week me, Carl, and Jamie went away for a few days to pray and plan for the future of Relevant and all I can say is that God showed up in a huge way. We were just trying to get away to get our heads above water so to speak and by the time we were finished I felt like I was walking on water.
I believe that God has some huge things in store for each one of us and I believe that His plans include everyone of us. So I just want you to begin now praying this prayer: "God whatever it is that you are about to reveal to me, help me to have the faith to believe it and the determination to do it" I am going to begin to pray this prayer everyday in anticipation that as we seek God and believe Him for great things that He is going to reveal for each of us individually what it is that he has in store for us. And I would like for you to prayer for me that God would help me to clearly cast the vision that He has for us both corporately and individually."
Sunday, February 27, 2011
How do you accidentally run ten miles?
So, how exactly does one "accidentally" run ten miles?
Answers I've gotten today:
I've been meditating on Hebrews 12:1.. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." The race that we are to, by faith, commit to and focus on, this is not an accident. In fact, it is extremely intentional.
Can you imagine someone running a marathon by accident? It just doesn't happen. These things require training, months, even years of maturing your body to the point of taking such punishment. You put in the hard, long work, to prepare yourself for the race. And then.. then you've actually got to show up to the race. You come geared up, mentally stoked, properly fed, proudly displaying that race number on your chest. Marathons require choice upon choice upon choice of dedicated intention to a goal. Not many people are crazy enough to sign up for a marathon, fewer train for it, a few drop out or don't finish. The proud, but physically humbled cross the finish line.
Some would argue that of all of God's creations, we are the ones that are most perfectly built for long-distance running. We are created by design to endure.
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." (Ps. 16:5)
So getting outside and remembering these things about running - it serves to remind me that we are in the Christian race and it is not by accident. Choosing to really serve God as He has intended us is a choice, and it is not a popular one or one that everybody really gets. God assigns each of us our portion, and our cups. I realize that I've been getting frustrated with the cup that I've been given and especially my portion. I have failed to remember that God uses trials big and even small to temper us into race-worthy champions.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18
Answers I've gotten today:
- Got lost
Ran 5 miles on purpose, only to realize you were 5 miles away from your car/house
Zombies and/or being chased with a knife
And my fave... "aren't you supposed to be taking it easy?"
I've been meditating on Hebrews 12:1.. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." The race that we are to, by faith, commit to and focus on, this is not an accident. In fact, it is extremely intentional.
Can you imagine someone running a marathon by accident? It just doesn't happen. These things require training, months, even years of maturing your body to the point of taking such punishment. You put in the hard, long work, to prepare yourself for the race. And then.. then you've actually got to show up to the race. You come geared up, mentally stoked, properly fed, proudly displaying that race number on your chest. Marathons require choice upon choice upon choice of dedicated intention to a goal. Not many people are crazy enough to sign up for a marathon, fewer train for it, a few drop out or don't finish. The proud, but physically humbled cross the finish line.
Some would argue that of all of God's creations, we are the ones that are most perfectly built for long-distance running. We are created by design to endure.
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." (Ps. 16:5)
So getting outside and remembering these things about running - it serves to remind me that we are in the Christian race and it is not by accident. Choosing to really serve God as He has intended us is a choice, and it is not a popular one or one that everybody really gets. God assigns each of us our portion, and our cups. I realize that I've been getting frustrated with the cup that I've been given and especially my portion. I have failed to remember that God uses trials big and even small to temper us into race-worthy champions.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18
Friday, February 25, 2011
Fish on a Hook
I really wish I could say that I've been paying more attention to all that God's been saying to me this month. But I've found myself diving right back into the busyness that characterized me before surgery. I think I've finally realized how mindless much of my busyness is. I've found myself questioning why I'm doing things - what is my intention for involving myself in something else?
I hit my breaking point on the way to work yesterday. I've been getting less and less sleep, and had entirely too many scary things finally getting resolved this week on my plate. I was about to put on the playlist for the songs I'm supposed to be playing this weekend at church, and felt the Holy Spirit moving me to put on a sermon again. This month it's been really hard for me to have the energy to get to church, and I've been sorely missing being fed.
The message really hit home - it was Will Pavone at McLean Bible Church speaking on Hebrews 12:1. "Do you ever get weary in living the Christian life? Do you ever just feel worn out and weary? Many of the folks to whom the book of Hebrews was written, they were growing weary. As a matter of fact, they were exhausted; their fatigue was a fatigue of faith. You see they were tired of the struggles of living the Christian life every day." I'm not usually one to talk aloud to a podcast while I'm alone in my car.. but I found myself shouting at Will Pavone while I was stuck in 2 hours of traffic that morning.
Will continues onto Hebrews 12:1..
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Therefore.. what's that there for? It refers to the preceding chapter 11, where it goes over the 'giants of faith' from the old testament. Each of their stories is begun by 'by faith', and serves as examples to us how we should be running our race. This by faith preface really is implied in each of the exhortations in 12:1. We must by faith throw off our weights that slow us down, by faith throw off our sins that throw us down, and by faith run our race with perseverance and fixed focus.
It was on the weights that I really started to breakdown. These weights become unhealthy hindrances and we focus on them instead of time with our Father. Immediately, I felt like I knew what my weights were. I was sitting in it. I was sitting in my stupid car, in stupid traffic, continuing to rack up miles, wasting my precious energy and time just to get to work. And why was I working? Just so I could pay for the car and the stupid traffic tickets! But how do I commute less? Live closer, but you can't afford that! It took me the whole day to begin to recover. On top of everything going on with my health, I can't even sleep, I'm broke, and I feel all this shame and guilt because I've got all these things I'm supposed to do, but don't have the energy or time or focus for. I busy myself almost mindlessly, often out of obligation but usually without intent. I felt so broken, and so weary.
I've come to the conclusion that living this Christian life is like a fish trying to swim upstream. We're already swimming against the current, but then there are hooks everywhere that we can't possibly avoid. As we swim these hooks bite in deeper. They pull us in separate directions, and we literally feel like we're going to be torn apart. We've already ceased to be able to swim against the current, and now it, along with hooks, pull us back and drags us down. We're struggling violently to get the hooks out and they only bite in harder. We can't possibly get the hooks out ourselves. Then comes God - or was He there all along? - and He holds us, grips us firmly. He's waiting for us to stop struggling in His grip. At some point we realize we're not only trying to throw off the hooks, but we're trying to throw off Him, because this struggling has made us weary. We are weary because we are trying to rely on our own power instead of completely by faith in God.
Only when we stop struggling, only when we completely submit to being held in His hands and not by our own power will we get sweet, sweet relief. It makes no sense to be still..if we stop struggling, it feels like we'll absolutely be pulled down, continue sinking. Unless you have faith that One stronger than yourself can take care of the hooks. He's waiting patiently, with you encircled in His hands and arms to stop struggling, to stop trying to fight alone and take care of things yourself. Only once you're finally still, finally submit to His will can he tenderly remove the hooks that have entrapped you. And the tender, strong hands of God are more than capable and very willing to mercifully, lovingly remove the hooks and perform what may be necessary surgery to cut them away.
Are we really willing to give ourselves over to the Hands of God to carry us? Hebrews 12 continues on: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Do I really have the humility to put the Glory of God before my own pain and needs? I think I must find it. If I am to stop struggling against my hooks, my weights, against God's glory, love, and power itself, then I must do two things: admit that God's glory is beyond the scope of my wildest imagination and submit humbly to it.
I realize now that I've been praying for answers to my hooks. I prayed for whatever change was necessary to take them out, and yet when the change comes I still struggle against it. Again, finding myself unwilling to submit to His will and His power and His love. And yet, He's constantly reminding me of His hands around me, placing people in my life that continue to lift me up out of the waters and away from the hooks.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I hit my breaking point on the way to work yesterday. I've been getting less and less sleep, and had entirely too many scary things finally getting resolved this week on my plate. I was about to put on the playlist for the songs I'm supposed to be playing this weekend at church, and felt the Holy Spirit moving me to put on a sermon again. This month it's been really hard for me to have the energy to get to church, and I've been sorely missing being fed.
The message really hit home - it was Will Pavone at McLean Bible Church speaking on Hebrews 12:1. "Do you ever get weary in living the Christian life? Do you ever just feel worn out and weary? Many of the folks to whom the book of Hebrews was written, they were growing weary. As a matter of fact, they were exhausted; their fatigue was a fatigue of faith. You see they were tired of the struggles of living the Christian life every day." I'm not usually one to talk aloud to a podcast while I'm alone in my car.. but I found myself shouting at Will Pavone while I was stuck in 2 hours of traffic that morning.
Will continues onto Hebrews 12:1..
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Therefore.. what's that there for? It refers to the preceding chapter 11, where it goes over the 'giants of faith' from the old testament. Each of their stories is begun by 'by faith', and serves as examples to us how we should be running our race. This by faith preface really is implied in each of the exhortations in 12:1. We must by faith throw off our weights that slow us down, by faith throw off our sins that throw us down, and by faith run our race with perseverance and fixed focus.
It was on the weights that I really started to breakdown. These weights become unhealthy hindrances and we focus on them instead of time with our Father. Immediately, I felt like I knew what my weights were. I was sitting in it. I was sitting in my stupid car, in stupid traffic, continuing to rack up miles, wasting my precious energy and time just to get to work. And why was I working? Just so I could pay for the car and the stupid traffic tickets! But how do I commute less? Live closer, but you can't afford that! It took me the whole day to begin to recover. On top of everything going on with my health, I can't even sleep, I'm broke, and I feel all this shame and guilt because I've got all these things I'm supposed to do, but don't have the energy or time or focus for. I busy myself almost mindlessly, often out of obligation but usually without intent. I felt so broken, and so weary.
I've come to the conclusion that living this Christian life is like a fish trying to swim upstream. We're already swimming against the current, but then there are hooks everywhere that we can't possibly avoid. As we swim these hooks bite in deeper. They pull us in separate directions, and we literally feel like we're going to be torn apart. We've already ceased to be able to swim against the current, and now it, along with hooks, pull us back and drags us down. We're struggling violently to get the hooks out and they only bite in harder. We can't possibly get the hooks out ourselves. Then comes God - or was He there all along? - and He holds us, grips us firmly. He's waiting for us to stop struggling in His grip. At some point we realize we're not only trying to throw off the hooks, but we're trying to throw off Him, because this struggling has made us weary. We are weary because we are trying to rely on our own power instead of completely by faith in God.
Only when we stop struggling, only when we completely submit to being held in His hands and not by our own power will we get sweet, sweet relief. It makes no sense to be still..if we stop struggling, it feels like we'll absolutely be pulled down, continue sinking. Unless you have faith that One stronger than yourself can take care of the hooks. He's waiting patiently, with you encircled in His hands and arms to stop struggling, to stop trying to fight alone and take care of things yourself. Only once you're finally still, finally submit to His will can he tenderly remove the hooks that have entrapped you. And the tender, strong hands of God are more than capable and very willing to mercifully, lovingly remove the hooks and perform what may be necessary surgery to cut them away.
Are we really willing to give ourselves over to the Hands of God to carry us? Hebrews 12 continues on: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Do I really have the humility to put the Glory of God before my own pain and needs? I think I must find it. If I am to stop struggling against my hooks, my weights, against God's glory, love, and power itself, then I must do two things: admit that God's glory is beyond the scope of my wildest imagination and submit humbly to it.
I realize now that I've been praying for answers to my hooks. I prayed for whatever change was necessary to take them out, and yet when the change comes I still struggle against it. Again, finding myself unwilling to submit to His will and His power and His love. And yet, He's constantly reminding me of His hands around me, placing people in my life that continue to lift me up out of the waters and away from the hooks.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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