Justice and Mercy

"God presented [Jesus] as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished–he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus." Romans 3:25-26

Yesterday at my church service they played Benton Brown's "Jesus You are worthy". The refrain at the end is "justice and mercy". And for some reason, I suddenly got what that song meant.

Justice and mercy seem like a contradiction when together. I googled them together trying to find the song, and half the hits (that weren't about the flyleaf song) were about the contradiction. This one is from about.com:

True virtues are not supposed to clash - at least that is the ideal. Our personal interests or baser instincts may at times conflict with the virtues we are trying to cultivate, but higher virtues themselves are always supposed to be in harmony with one another. How, then, do we explain the apparent conflict between the virtues of mercy and justice?

But "Justice and Mercy meet on the cross".

How was justice served when Jesus died on the cross? Justice was carried out on ALL the sins of the world, all at once. All sinners and sins were punished. Fallen man was summarily punished for his depravity. And since we can agree that we've all fallen short of perfection, we've all sinned, that none of us is perfect - we can probably also agree that we deserve such justice served against us.

Then the mercy: We deserved punishment. And punishment was meted out... but not on us. Jesus mercifully put himself before us on the cross, receiving punishment we all should have borne and be bearing now. But we received grace instead of punishment, mercy instead of justice.

An excerpt from Philip Yancy's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" really hits it home:

"I agreed that the notion that a man could go to a store where a group of unarmed human beings are drinking soda pop and eating moon pies, fire a shotgun blast at one of them, tearing his lungs and heart and bowels from his body, turn on another and send lead pellets ripping through his flesh and bones, and that God would set him free is almost more than I could stand. But unless that is precisely the case then there is no Gospel, there is no Good News. Unless that is the truth we have only bad news, we are back with law alone."

In this except, Yancy is recounting a story of pre-civil rights era America, where a white man armed with a shotgun killed several innocent African-Americans. The crazy concept here is that both have opportunities to get into heaven.

God doesn't differentiate between our sins. Jealousy and gluttony are no less sins than racism and murder. Both sins put the sinners clearly on the fallen side of the law. If God can't forgive a murderer, than someone who's guilty of jealousy can't be forgiven either. But God does forgive jealousy, and gluttony, and racism, and murder. He is capable of forgiving all sins. Romans 10:10 tells us "For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Paul tells us earlier in Romans 8:30 "And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified."

So the idea that a victim and his murderer could both end up in heaven is appalling to us. But not to God. If both have believed in their hearts and confessed with their mouths, they are saved. We have to believe that we can't be "too bad" for God's love. And if we are able to believe that we ourselves can't be too bad for His love, we also need to believe that others can't be too bad either. We must remember two keys parts: "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."; and "[all] are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24

James I - wisdom

So often I find myself praying to God for discernment, for an indication of which choice to make - for wisdom.

The first lesson on wisdom that James teaches us is that we should ask for it.
James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James also tells us in this passage that when we ask for it, God not only can give us wisdom, but he wants to do so! He's only waiting for us to ask for it, and He can't wait to pour it out on us, to share his knowledge with us:

Matthew 7:7-12 "For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

We must know that God provides! His knowledge is something he craves to share with us, and when we receive it, we'll be better able to glorify Him.

Proverbs 2:2-5 "If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding...then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

Proverbs 2:9-10 "Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul."

So we must know that when we ask for wisdom, God provides it in abundance! The second lesson James teaches us, is that we need to believe that God will provide this wisdom when we ask for it - and that we need to authentically live this belief in our actions:

James 1:6-8 "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

So praying to God for wisdom is not merely being revealed to this knowledge, but a commitment to obey what God reveals to you. The imagery of the sea changing directions because of the wind - it illustrates for us that we cannot ask for God's wisdom one day, and then follow the world's wisdom the next. We need to be grounded in our faith, and stand firm on our foundation of Christ.

Ephesians 4:14 "We will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in the deceitful scheming."

When God provides you wisdom... use it! Would you refuse or misuse a gift? "Wisdom is not just acquired information but practicing insight with spiritual applications". In other words, we cannot ask for wisdom, for help, and then refuse it. We must apply the wisdom gifted from God.

We can't just pray that God makes good choices for us, and that's what James 1:5 is about. God gives us the wisdom to choose between right and wrong, but He can't make the right choice for us. We must pray, ask God, for the wisdom to discern the good, Godly choice for us, even if following that choice means the trials and suffering outlined in James 1:2-4.

Purpose for Trials

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
-Romans 8:28-30

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
-James 1:2-4

What is crazy faith? Thanking God for your suffering.

It's an indisputable fact that our lives have trials, failures, and suffering. The scope of them range from stubbing our toe to disease and open heart surgery, from ungrace to persecution, from lapses of judgment to lapses of character. Just when you seem to be handling one trial, another pops up. This is life.

Again, like with many things of God, He presents us with choices. He presents us with gifts we must choose to accept and sometimes even struggle to obtain. Just like we choose to accept grace, we can choose to accept our trials as gifts.

So I should thank God for these obstacles? It does sound crazy, doesn't it? God, thank you for giving me a disease that I must persevere through. God, thank you for putting the looming heart surgery over my head. God, thank you for putting people in my life that let me down. Yes, and with complete seriousness, thank you for these trials.

We can either let our trials defeat us, or we can defeat them by allowing our trials and struggles to make us stronger. I have an auto-immune disease that eats away at me and necessitates surgery if I'm going to live. I could let this disease and surgery defeat me, I could let it limit my life and enthusiasm for it, I could let it make me miserable. But instead of consciously choosing this outlook and life of misery...I choose hope, courage, and faith in God. Absolutely verses like Php. 4:13 carry me: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", or Rom. 8:31: "If God is for us, who can be against us?". I choose a life of hope in Christ over a life of death in despair. I choose life over death. That's why I run half-marathons; and each one completed, each mile finished is a blessing and testimony to Christ that all things are possible when you leave these things up to faith.

Not all of my trials are so visible or physically painful. Some trials are very personal, relational trials. I don't think I would have come to Christ had I not been through a messy, unGodly, and even sinful relationship with an ex-boyfriend several years ago. "The man who once persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy." (Gal. 1.23) Your biggest spiritual failure is God's greatest testimony for you to share. I can clearly point this personal low in my life and trace it to how I am saved today. Only God could take our messes and make something glorious out of them.

Without my trials, I know I wouldn't be the same person. I don't think I would have accepted Christ. And I'm positive I would be miserable, unsatisfied, and alone. Are you kidding me? Absolutely I thank God for my trials! I pray to God that I have the strength to make it through them, the wisdom and faith to believe that something so great I can't imagine are on the other side. I remind myself that these trials shape us to be more like Christ. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son...

Heart Update

I've been learning more and more how God is visible in our lives. I've been seeing first hand how he's been working in my life. I'm finally realizing the fruits that God has for us when we banish fear and live by faith alone.

I have a dear, dear friend and mentor (you know who you are) who has something called God sightings. I can hear him groaning inwardly, because the analogy can get a bit hokey when you try to explain it. When ever God sightings are explained to a new person in the bible study, they're explained as the visible acts of God. Just as when the wind blows through the trees, you can't see the wind, but you can see the leaves move. God sightings are pointing out when the leaves shakes and saying "God has been here!"

If you know me or have read some of my previous posts, you know I have an aortic aneurysm next to my heart and aortic valve. You probably also know that I run - a lot more than should be possible given the heart. I had a CT scan completed in August. When I measured the scan myself, the aneurysm had grown. Which naturally prompted me to have a not-so-minor freakout. I tried getting an appointment with the heart surgeon, and eventually was able to get some time with him, but only after my half marathon on Labor Day weekend. I was able to get him to at least look at the report from the scan tech, and got some mixed news: according to the scan technician the aneurysm was stable, but he could not possibly condone me running, let alone racing a half marathon.

Of course...I ran anyway. Praised God the entire way, thanking Him for every mile. It was really hard not to praise Him when I kept passing the 413 team, with Philippians 4:13 on the back of their T-shirts. "I can do everything through him that gives me strength". Being able to run, despite it being physically impossible or dangerous, makes me feel invincible. So this is what it feels like to place yourself entirely in God's hands.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Rom. 8:31. I see this as tangible evidence of God. So here's my God sighting - I was able to run the race last weekend, not only comfortably, but even crushing my old record - and I'm still around to tell you about it. This is something not possible without God.

Today, I finally had the appointment with the surgeon. At this point, he had looked at the scans himself, and like me, he had found that the aneurysm did in fact look bigger than 6 months ago. He's amazed that I ran the half-marathon last weekend and that I'm just fine. The end result of the appointment...I am getting another (more detailed, more expensive) type of scan this afternoon. If this scan shows that the problem has gotten worse, we're doing surgery. Probably really soon. If this scan shows that the problem has not gotten worse, then I'll be allowed to run again. The big relief out of this appointment was that the doctor has taken away the nebulous "limbo" option where he won't perform surgery but I'm not allowed to run. It's almost a relief to know that I could be having surgery soon - it'll mean I won't have to put my life on hold indefinitely while we wait. I'm not allowed to run until I hear back from the doctor again... which should only be a few days, so hopefully I can handle that!

The whole experience of having this condition... I am constantly reminded of James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Because of the adventures I've had with my health, I've been able to live on the edge... leave myself entirely in God's hands in ways I would never have been able to otherwise. It's been quite the feeling knowing that its perfectly possible you could die at any point in time. That has really placed a sense of urgency on me to make peace with God, others, and myself. If you were going to die tomorrow - would you leaves things undone? Relationships unmended? Adventures left unstarted or unfinished? Since you should know you "can't take it with you", that things are here today and gone tomorrow, why would you not be generous with what you have? You can't keep it. Why should I toil away at a job that does nothing to help or save people when I could be doing something that does? What am I waiting for?

This condition has forced me to place myself in God's hands, and the way that Grace has been poured out on me is absolutely overwhelming. To hear that I'm getting prayers from all corners, and to be so constantly reminded that I've got people rooting for me...well it's been such a blessing. I couldn't be more thankful that there's so much love out there.

Watch Out

I only have the energy and mental capacity for a short post today. WOW am I looking forward to a relaxing holiday weekend!!

Watch what you pray for. First, you have to know that God always delivers on righteous prayers. Are you ready for that? Do you believe that God is going to deliver?

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault. James 1:5

Second, now you know he's going to graciously pour out whatever you ask for (He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32). So when we pray for Godly change in our lives, we had best be prepared to accept the opportunities God hands us to bring about change.

A number of people have reminded me lately of the movie "Even Almighty". The scene they mention is always the one in the diner - when God reminds the wife of Evan of her prayer from the beginning of the movie. God reminds her that he doesn't just make it happen - he presents opportunities for you to choose to make it happen.

So we pray to God. God presents us with the opportunity to take his gift. Then we have to choose to accept it.

Shedding fear

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should. Eph. 6:19-20

Today I think I've learned something really amazing. It's been another example of how we are broken down only to be lifted back up and rebuilt into something stronger:

This weekend, certainly this Monday morning, I had been feeling woefully inadequate. It was like I was being flooded with insecurities and fear. I felt so insufficient. I felt like a giant screw-up. Like I was ruining the good things I had been graced with, like my job, the relationships with the people God has put into my life. I just didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel like my best was good enough. I didn't think I was good enough.

But I had church this evening, and I'd been looking forward to it all weekend. I came in with a better attitude than I had sported for most of the day. I was nervously excited about the small group leadership meeting; I confess as we were circled around discussing our roles for the next eight weeks, I began to let a little of that doubt and fear back in... am I good enough? Can I handle this?

Even right before the message started, I get a phone call from my heart surgeon's office - finally! - and scheduled an appointment for about 2 weeks away. So I have about a million worries, fears, and doubts running through my head and heart as I sit back down to listen to the message. Then tonight's message really tore my heart out.

We have a necessary fight against sin

But before we can take up with fight, we must reject fear. Fear has no place in such an important battle.

So I know if I shed this fear, it will make me stronger, to fight sin.

If I shed this fear (the fear of failure, of not being good enough) it will make me stronger. I make myself vulnerable to make myself stronger. You must shed the fear to expose the Spirit that God has placed inside you; you can't let fear cover up the Spirit of God.

The pastor speaking tonight was literally answering my inner monologue from earlier today: "Reject fear - the fear of failure, of not being good enough. There is no need to have this fear. You can't go into battle against sin with this fear".

First, we must know that we have a necessary fight against sin. Much of Romans 8 talks about lining yourself up on clearly one side or the other: Spirit vs flesh, peace vs sin, life vs death. It also outlines a sense of urgency - if we don't take the fight to sin, sin will still attack regardless if we are prepared or not. ("So then brothers and sisters, we are under obligation...to put to death the deeds of the body" (sin) Romans 8:12 NET). Romans 8:12 tells us we must "put to death" sin, that we have an obligation to wage this good fight. If "put to death" are not clearly fighting words, I don't know what else would be. So we arm ourselves with the word (Eph. 6:17, "take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God").

Second, embracing fear means we can't embrace the Spirit. Romans 8 is very black and white. There are no clever gray areas for people to wait on the sidelines. You, personally, are being attacked by sin, and you, personally, can just sit there and take it or accept the aid of the Spirit who is here to fight on your behalf.
Romans 8:6-7 tells us "the outlook of the flesh is death, but the outlook of the Spirit is life and peace, because the outlook of the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to the law of God, nor is it able to do so." If accepting the Spirit of God means life and peace, then the other side to that coin would be a life of death and fear without the Spirit. 1 John 4:18 tells us "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love."
So with the Spirit, we do not need to fear. Romans 8 makes it very clear that sin and flesh are what brings punishment and fear, whereas the Spirit of God brings life and peace and love.

Do I get it yet?? I can't possibly accept BOTH the Spirit of God AND the fear that comes from the flesh. If I shed this fear, I can finally choose the side I need to be on - the side that includes the Spirit of God, life, peace. Fear gets in the way of accepting the Spirit. Its something that resides between you.

So you reject the fear. Get it out in the open and expose it. Let go of the pride that keeps you from sharing it, and humbly make yourself vulnerable - to the Spirit of God, and the life and peace that comes with it.

Honesty

Have you ever had one of those days...where the beginning and end seem so different, it seems impossible that they came from the same day? My Sunday started out rough. I confess to skipping a service in church that day (I watched online) because I wasn't feeling myself and needed the extra rest. I responded to a few messages, started getting excited about the day, and then was literally off and running from there on out.

The weekend's events had given me much to think about, and the running always seems to focus me and remind me of what's really important. I knocked out an easy 11 miles and all that time with me, an iPod, and a treadmill really got me relaxed and focused. It gave me time to think about how I was vulnerable, yet fearless. My health makes me vulnerable, but I'd also let my lack of relationships with friends and family and even with Christ at times put me into vulnerable positions. Without this external support, I was vulnerable to doubt, temptation, a number of nasty things. The message this morning at McLean was on dealing with temptation, but it struck a note on me when it mentioned that surrounding yourself with a biblical community of support was a great weapon in healing and avoiding temptation. I'm beginning more and more to see the truth of that.

My next stop (after a quick but very necessary post-run shower) was to McLean Bible Church for my small group leader interview. It was great to be able to connect with a person over there. It was more like pouring my heart out and showing who I was; making myself vulnerable and sharing my history and testimony, but doing so fearlessly. I've found that humbling yourself, making yourself vulnerable, being completely honest with others by being completely honest with yourself, has been life-changing. I've also found that this is how you build or rebuild relationships with one another. "Love must be sincere.". Romans 12:9

Short version, the interview went well and I'll leave the details and action items to another post. Baahh action items.. you can tell I've lived in DC too long.

Afterwards, I decided on half a whim to deliver a small gift to some friends I had lost touch with over the past few years. One of them - thankfully! - was home, and I was able to catch up this evening. What I really loved was that our conversation was so God-centered. It had been far too long since we had been able to have such deep discussions about our faith and future and trials and hope. Mostly because we had let other things get in the way (at least I know I had let other priorities and hurts sneak in and sabotage my relationships).

By Monday, it had really struck me what it meant to be honest with myself. I had been honest with myself Sunday, when I realized there were things left undone with friends. When I honestly looked back at my feelings for what they were, I was able to recognize the divisions with these relationships for what they were, and attempt to repair them. "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." - Romans 13:8. If I am honest with myself, then there is no room for excuses or justifications for putting off mending these relationships. I would have felt like I was sinning by not addressing something I knew to be wrong. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone". Romans 12:18

Being so honest with myself has been like turning a light on in a room. Look, the emperor has no clothes! If I can be honest with myself about my own shortcomings, then there's no reason for me to try to hide these from others or even feel ashamed about my shortcomings in front of others. We have all sinned and fallen short. Again, I think by being openly vulnerable, and showing that we have weaknesses, and are human, we can break down the barriers that people tend to naturally put up between one another. Because if we're to get to other people through their barriers, we have to first tear down our own.

When we tear down our barriers, then we can begin to exchange gifts to one another. Encouragement, love, hope, faith..."I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong - that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith." - Romans 1:11-12