Impatient patient

I'm beginning to understand why the word patience is basically the word patient. Patients really need patience.

I finally got to go to cardiac rehabilitation (can you already tell how impatient I was to get started??) and it sort of set my whole weekend up on a theme. I was told a couple things that morning. I was not allowed to run for another 2 weeks, and the little running I had been doing and justifying to myself could possibly have been putting my recovery in jeopardy. In fact, a lot of what I have been doing has been putting my recovery in jeopardy. I haven't been sleeping like I know I should. I have been trying to do everything and stretching myself entirely too thin, even for a person not recovering from heart surgery. I have been trying to do so much (work, jail ministry, small group, running, devotionals, recovery) that I haven't been able to do any of it properly. In fact, I may be doing more damage by doing all of these half-way then by not doing them at all. I've been lying to myself for weeks now, telling myself I am recovered. I am not.

As I was leaving cardiac rehab Friday morning, I caught myself praying for patience. The patience to wait to run and to sit through my recovery like I should be. Two things occurred to me as I wait at the stoplight praying for that. One, I have prayed this prayer before. And two, God was answering it already.

I should have known better. I know God doesn't just flip a switch, and all of a sudden I have patience. Yet that's exactly what I wanted. God provides me the opportunity to learn patience, and that he has certainly provided to me.

So I have spent this weekend trying to figure out how I learn patience. Of course, silly me, I sort of vainly hoped that I could learn patience in a single weekend. Can I hurry up and learn how to be patient already?! Ooooh silly me. I think it will take some time before I've got patience figured out entirely. And I'm not convinced I ever really will know everything there is to patience: I'm human and flawed and I want things now. I think it's in our nature to be impatient and it's something the devil plays to. (Hey Jesus, turn that stone to bread! "Man does not live on bread alone" Hey Jesus, I will give you the world right now! Just worship me first. "Worship the Lord your God and serve him only". Luke 4) The devil plays upon on our need for instant gratification. Jesus replies not only with the Word that is specifically applicable, but he is patient for God for those things which the devil tries to offer him.

So I've come to think that being patient is faith that God will deliver what you are waiting for. Closely linked to patience is perseverance, because sometimes God gives you a cup to drink before you have what He has promised you.

As I've been dwelling on how desperate I am to run again, I was thinking about the last half-marathon I completed. I can easily say it was the fastest, most comfortable race I've been in, and it was the only one I had a plan for. All the other races I've been in, I had an ad-hoc, shoot from the hip, how am I feeling today approach. And none of those races turned out as well for me as that last one that I had trained specifically for. I had a goal and a plan.

I'm thinking that patience is a lot like that too. We have the strength to be more patient when we know there is a goal and a plan to get there.

What if anyone could receive a medal for a finishing a race, even if you didn't race it? Would something like that even mean anything to you? You didn't have to do anything to earn it.

Part of what makes running and these races so special is that not everyone has the patience to endure them. And it does take a lot of patience to train for months and years and to persevere through the inevitable challenges. But the benefits far out weigh the challenges.

On today, MLKjr day, I've seen this quote flashed around: "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." I think patience is like staying on that step as long as you need to, and not attempting to skip over parts of the staircase. There is no shortcut to faith, or to those things we patiently await. So how do we focus on our goal and be patient while we work towards that? I think Paul lays out some of that for us:

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." (Philippians 4:8)

As James says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above" (James 1:17)

I think it's also closely related to what follows in that chapter. I feel like athletes especially like to focus on 4:13, but I think God gives us not only physical strength, but the strength for patience and to be content despite our circumstances.

"I have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:11-13)

So we focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, what is excellent or praiseworthy. These are things for us to focus on instead of our circumstances, instead of what we are impatient for. We focus on these as we faithfully take things one step at a time. We focus on these as we follow a plan towards our goal, even and especially when our plan calls not for action, but for inaction.

Love Letters

This is a sort of short-story I "accidentally" wrote last week. I was reading Ecclesiastes and felt compelled to write about how without God the gifts we have on earth are meaningless. Then it turned into how God pursues us, even as we do our best to ignore or shut him out. How we persevere through the race he's laid out for us, and how it tempers us to be more like Him. And that with Him, everything finally has a point. I apologize for the lack of editing, and hopefully it will be something I refine or edit better in the future.

Imagine:

You are going on a roadtrip from the east coast to the west. You are trying to find and see for yourself this person. He has contacted you repeatedly...he has sent many, many letters.

These letters, they'd always show up. At first you just threw them away. Then, you got annoyed enough to finally read one. The message inside..it was so tender, so romantic, so beautiful, but you were too jaded to realize that all the promises the letter contained were true.

But he kept sending them anyway. They read, with increasing urgency, to please come find him, see for yourself that the promises were true. He sounds like a conspiracy theorist, telling you of all the proof that he and his promises are real: "the roses you love? I made them, they were created especially for you," or "that Christmas bonus? Who do you think made it possible for the company to be so profitable and softened the bosses heart?"

You think he must be crazy. These things just aren't possible. And he sounds more than a little creepy. Always following you around - he seems to know exactly where you've been and exactly what you need and exactly when you fall and get into trouble. In fact, you get into big trouble. You're in a terrible place, and the situation seems beyond all hope. You're afraid, hurt, and completely alone. You're alone, except..you think just maybe, "If I call out, he'll listen. He'll help me." You think to yourself, "I know I've never wanted or needed your help before. But I do now, and if you don't show up, the situation is impossible to get out of."

And as soon as the thought crosses your mind, he has sent help your way. He made the impossible possible. You don't know what strings he pulled, can't imagine how he did it - but you now have this miraculous hope, that everything will turn out fine.

He keeps sending the letters. Only now, you're writing back.

First, you thanked him, asked him how he did it. You had more questions, would even occasionally ask for things. At first, you only asked for things for yourself, but then you found yourself compelled to ask things for others. You saw that they were in need, and you knew he was able to help them. He had taught you how to love. Finally, you were having a conversation with him, a relationship with him.

You long to actually meet him in person. This relationship has gone on years and years now. The letters always come: sometimes you're waiting by the mailbox for them anxiously awaiting a response. Other times, you fall away, you get busy and let the letters pile up, unread. But the letters always come.

Eventually, you decide to ask him, "..Can I come to see you?" He replies, "Of course, I've been waiting for you to ask!"

"But how do I get there?"

"I've been sending you directions all this time. First, you needed to want to come. As desperately as I've wanted to see you, you had to want to come to me. I'll keep sending you directions. My letters will find you wherever you go, wherever you are. Gather these letters, my words, then head west. It's not going to be an easy trip, it's hard to get here. And once you're here, you can't go back. People will call you crazy for leaving everything you know to find me, and for believing that impossible things are possible, because you know I can make them so. Please, I promise you... it will be worth it! The challenges and trials of the journey will perfectly prepare you; as you persevere, you will become more mature and complete, not lacking anything. You will learn the truth that sets you free from the chains of where you are now. Love others as I have loved you. You must do all these to make it through the arduous journey. The purpose at the end of the trip, being here, letting me finally hold you in my arms, and tangibly knowing perfect peace and love - it will all be worth it."

So you begin packing. There isn't much you need really, and he has promised to provide for you, as he always has. Your neighbors, friends, family, some do call you crazy. Some are crazy enough to want to go with you. You've shown them the letters, and they've started to write too.

You head out on this journey. Sometimes the company you're with changes, sometimes they have different directions than you do. You part ways and promise to meet again when you get there. Sometimes, the directions don't make sense at all. You're not heading straight there, as you once imagined you might. No, that would be too easy! He's leading you through the long, scenic route. Sometimes through the rough neighborhoods, sometimes in the prisons. He tells you what to do, what to say, and to not feel silly when you say, "He sent me."

The road is both hard and easy, ugly and beautiful. It's hard because it's physically, emotionally challenging - and yet easy, because all you have to do is follow his instructions. The ugly parts are heart breaking, because he's showing you the broken, sad parts of the worlds in desperate need and poverty. But it's beautiful to see the faith that blossoms and the love that comes even to these dark places as shining lights. All of these take you closer to him, so you continue to dive head-first into whatever direction he provides. You rely totally and completely on him, even and especially when it would seem uncomfortable, impossible, or suicidal to do so. So you take the easy with the hard, knowing that you must do both to get to him. The impossible tasks simply provide an opportunity to watch him work and do the impossible.

You thoroughly enjoy this roadtrip. There's much to see and do, and he's taking you everywhere. You've become very rich in unimaginable experiences that only he could have led you to and through. You realize that if you didn't know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was a purpose and end to this trip, it would have quickly become tiresome. If there was no promise of something worthwhile at the end of the road, you would have left a long time ago. It would have all been pointless as chasing after the wind, and about as successful or rewarding. BUT. You're enjoying the little things he puts into your path and sends you, because there is a point to them, to the whole trip. Without the directions he's been providing, the whole trip would have been insane and pointless. You'd be driving around in circles, and there would be no ultimate point to any of the wanderings. None of the journey by itself would bring you closer to this man who sends you love letters.

When the journey gets too hard or seems pointless, he reminds you, "Blessed is the person who doesn't fall away on account of me." He reminds you that everyone gets their own, personal directions - and that sometimes these are hard or seem unfair. He tells you not to give up hope, even when he's leading you places that are especially hard and dark. Because you are never alone, he is with you always, and he greatly longs to be you in person.

So keep on, keeping on. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, pressing on toward the ultimate goal and prize - to be safe in his embrace finally. You find strength through him, his constant letters, always finding you, still knowing exactly where you and your heart are.

Working for God is Easy

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." - Luke 10:38-41

When I first read this passage as a new believer, I was indignant. I was often that way when reading the scandalous stories of grace presented in the New Testament. I had immediately identified with the Martha in the story. I am the older sister, I am the one who's always the planner, the one doing all the work. I even had a little sister, who I of course thought of.. "my sister has left me to do the work by myself.. tell her to help me!".

Now, coming back to it again with a fresh experience as a visitor in someone else's ministry, I also have a fresh perspective on Martha.

The people of the ministry I got to visit tonight were without a doubt, passionate, driven, motivated to pour out on the young adults at the halfway house they minister to. However, Martha was in charge, not Mary. There were things to be done and keeping us busy, we were preparing a Christmas dinner for the house, the worship, the bible study, the gift giving. There was a well-planned agenda, and assignments, and handouts. Which by themselves aren't terrible things, these are useful in assigning tasks. But Martha was too busy being in charge to encourage others to speak, or challenge them to get out of their comfort zones and really talk to kids. There was another visitor to the ministry helping that night and she stayed in the kitchen the whole time, saying "I'm really more of a behind the scenes person." It seemed everything was too planned out. It almost seemed like a struggle against the Holy Spirit in the effort of sticking to 'the plan',

I do not dare to say that this was anything but a successful evening - however it was done, the Holy Spirit did move some kids ("That was nice of them.. they didn't have to come all the way out here to do this"). And it is my pride that I am trying to quash when I think to myself, "they could have done that better this way..". Who am I to judge what tool to use?

I completely confess to being a Martha myself. I can get possessive over my tasks, I want to control things to make sure they're done right, I want to plan to the nth degree. But I am trying desperately to be more like a Mary. Working like a Martha makes working for God very hard and tiresome. Working like a Mary makes working for God easy.

Instead of being possessive over my tasks or ministry, or even the success that I get to witness, God gets the glory. Being possessive over the work often makes you lose sight of why you're doing it in the first place. When it's only you completing the tasks (because you're possessive and don't let God help you), then of course the work is difficult and exhausting, because you are doing the work alone! When you let God own the work, however, it becomes easy.

If I try to control things to make sure they're done right, what if I'm denying someone else the opportunity to pour out onto the needy, as I know I enjoy doing? I need to remind myself, it's not the task on earth here that's important, it's the relationship with Jesus. Mary was lauded for choosing 'what is better'. She chose to strengthen her relationship with Jesus instead of preparing a meal. Really, putting both into perspective - the food doesn't really matter, does it? It's an earthly need that will always be there. Jesus was not always going to be on earth - maybe Mary realized that as she poured out perfume on Him to prepare Him for His burial (John 12:7-8). Either way, she had clearly made her priorities heavenly, not earthly.

And when the Marthas want to plan to the nth degree, we are not planning on God showing up. We are in fact planning that He WON'T show up. What sort of faith is this?? James 4 reminds us that it is not our will that plans and predicts tomorrow, but "if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." Our plans are silly. Why would we choose to rely on them, when we could be relying more faithfully on God to work out the details?

I keep coming back to: "But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made." Even though Martha had a very respectable purpose - preparing a meal for Jesus and his disciples - her busy preparations were keeping her from actually knowing Jesus.

As we get into the holiday season, do we let the preparations of the holiday keep us from reveling in the purpose of the holiday? We celebrate Christmas to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Surely, our Savior could care less about plastic reindeer in the front yard and 20 colors of wrapping paper if it meant we were putting those things instead of celebrating and worshiping Him. Do these things, but only if they are not distracting you from the true and Godly reasons for our festivities.

I pray that I listen to the wisdom I am led to write - that I can hear the "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" (Ps 46:10). I pray that in my preparations for Christmas, I do no lose focus of why I prepare.

It is a crazy thing in this world to plan on God showing up. But, this is really the only thing we're called to plan.

God's Timeline

"While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked. "This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor." Aware of this, Jesus said to them, "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. "I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Matthew 26:6-13

This verse isn't nearly as shocking as it should be to us. We readily accept Jesus's statement of "preached throughout the world" because that's exactly what happens today. I imagine that when Jesus first said it 2000 years ago, it was actually quite scandalous.

At that point in time, Jesus' ministry was relatively small. There were people in many towns, a few small countries, but only on one continent. How big did the people of Jesus' day think the world was? Certainly they must have guessed or known it was larger than the nations surrounding Israel. Today we know the world is huge compared to the relatively tiny amount of land that represented the sphere of influence in Jesus' earthly days.

The profundity of Jesus' claim that the gospel would be preached throughout the world cannot be understated. And today the Gospel is being preached throughout the world. What does this say about how God operates? Not only does He measure time in ways we can't comprehend - I'm inclined to believe that He has also provided us with the tools so that we are physically able to travel and communicate across the world to share the Gospel. As James 1:17 reminds us, "every good and perfect thing is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows". In fact, so much has changed in the world since Jesus's days on Earth. But has the Father changed? I find it comforting to know that He is the same God today as he was all that time ago.

So we are now remembering a woman who poured perfume over Jesus, in an act of adoration and faith in her savior. 2000 years later seems unimaginable to us that we are able to have this piece of history. In what seemed an impossible promise, Gods timeline and the way He works has made it possible for us to honor this woman.

If He can make this impossible promise come true for this unnamed woman, it seems to me that is quite capable to make the impossible come true for those of us who honor God as she did.

1. She gave greatly to God. The very expensive jar of perfume she poured out was no doubt worth much. The disciples complain it could have been "sold at a high price".


2. She gave and believed, even when it seemed senseless or wasteful by others. "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me."


3. "She did it to prepare me for burial"This woman listened to what Jesus had been preaching, that he would be die and come back in three days, and believed that he spoke the truth. She was of great faith.

If we are to be the recipients of scandalous promises like the one of Matthew 26:13, we need to live our lives and our faiths as this woman did. We need to trust His timeline for us, even when we can't see for ourselves how He is working in our lives.

Seeing yourself as God sees you

1 Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

Praise the LORD, my soul.
Psalm 103:1-18

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If someone tells us we are worthless once, we might brush it off.
If someone tells us we are worthless twice, we might start to get angry.
If someone tells us, over and over again, that we are worthless.. we might actually start to believe them.

In the face of a person in front of us, telling us we are worthless, how do we combat that? Fortunately, we are not alone. We have a creator who loves us fiercely. We have a creator who doesn't care where we've been, what trouble we've got ourselves into, what we've done, or even what we will do. Or rather, He doesn't care about our sins because they can never separate us from Him or diminish our worth in His eyes.

Psalm 103 sings of how God forgives our sins, heals diseases, and redeems us.

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

Nowhere in the Psalm does David sing that we will not ever sin. He does not sing that we won't need healing. He does not sing that our lives won't need redeeming. We are going to need all of these things, because on Earth, this side of heaven, there is sin, trial. All of us at some point in our lives find ourselves spiraling towards a pit. It seems bottomless. We look up, but we can't see light. We think we've gotten in so much trouble, we've done too many bad things, we can't see an end to our misery - we can't see our redemption. David does not sing that this won't happen. But, he does sing that when (not if) we find ourselves in this pit, we WILL be redeemed.

God doesn't see you as most people on Earth see you. Here, people often have labels. People misjudge, make assumptions. People can be jaded and unmerciful, unwilling to forgive or look past our inevitable flaws. God looks past our flaws, He forgives our sins, and he sees us without them. When God looks at us, He sees the best side of us. He sees us as someone worth loving. He sees us as someone worth sacrificing everything for - including his Son - to save.

When it comes to self worth, I don't think it matters where you are, what age, what gender, what circumstances or condition you find yourself in. Regardless of where they are from, all of them have trouble seeing themselves as worthy. Seeing themselves as God sees them: someone worth everything.

As I write this, it's in the wee hours of Thanksgiving morning. I'm excited about visiting the juvenile detention center tomorrow, and I wanted to have a study prepared for them about self-worth. It occurs to me that we have much to be thankful for. I pray that God speaks through me and helps me to see the kids I'm ministering to as He does. And that He can show these kids to look at themselves the way God looks at them.

Heart Update - Part III

It's been an interesting week or so, to say the least.

On 11/9 I went into heart surgery. Ran up the stairs to pre-op instead of taking the stairs, just because I could (and it would be awhile till I could again!). I felt completely prepared to go into what I like to call my "minor surgery". I was able to remain light-hearted with those I met at the hospital that day, from the receptionist who checked me in to the surgical team who would be taking care of me. It was interesting to see them all shocked that I wasn't falling to pieces. In fact, I told my surgeon he was running next year's Marine Corps Marathon with me and the team I've started putting together.

The night before, Ed Hunt had given a very powerful message. One of the important take-aways was to memorize scripture, so it's immediately available to you to fight fear, doubt, temptation, etc. So that night I made sure I memorized Philippians 1:20. "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." I really didn't imagine how useful that would be over the next several days. For almost a week, I haven't been able to read because the pain meds wouldn't let me focus on type. And there were a few times I was in so much pain, or couldn't breathe, and the only thing I could do was recite that verse again and again. I couldn't have been more thankful for the timeliness of Ed's message and that I have been equipped with the Word, even though I haven't had my Bible.



During my recovery, I've been so blessed as well. In the hospital, I often had more visitors then I could handle. I wanted them to stay longer, but I could only stay awake so long against the pain meds. My recovery itself is going unthinkably well. I had surgery Tuesday, was able to move to a chair by Wednesday, was walking around very well by Thursday, and Friday they sent me home. I keep having to remind myself to take it easier, but I confess to getting a little restless. Monday I even made it to church - although I began to realize my limits when I couldn't stay awake during the message. My small group was a little shocked to see me there on Monday night - and it's sort of crazy to think that a little think like heart surgery couldn't keep me from missing church. I have yet to email Todd and Ed, the teaching and campus pastors at Frontline, respectively, but I can't wait to share how their messages have helped me through the past several weeks.

I'm forcing myself to take it easy and miss small group tonight - which pains me, because I love the fellowship with these ladies. Also, now that I'm able to stay awake longer, and read and write again, at least to an extent, I feel like I need to get back into the Word. Which is really what I was looking forward to during this time off anyways. It's been very easy for me, back under mom's roof as I recover, to not make my time with God a priority. I hate to admit it, but I have a tough time standing strong in close proximity to my family - of them I'm really the only practicing Christian. God is not a part of everyday life in this house, so it's an added hurdle for me to set God as a priority in my day-to-day when no one in this house does. Pray for me to have more compassion for my family, and patience as I witness to them. Pray also for my recovery, and that I can recover here. It's been tough to sleep since the surgery, and I'm having trouble eating. I pray that I can use this time to myself wisely and invest in the areas I need to or that I've been neglecting.

All in all, I'm still unimaginably blessed. I could only be this confident going to and from heart surgery knowing I have a great and faithful God, and that He has put many brothers and sisters in Christ in my life.

I should also mention - the aneurysm was 5.8cm when they finally removed it. It was 5.5cm back in only mid-September. It's incredible that I made it to surgery, considering that I'd cave and run occasionally. I thank God for making it clear to me that everytime I had "caved", I got sick or injured and couldn't run afterwards. I find it incredible how well He provides for us, and how perfect His timing is. It's quite humbling to realize your life is completely in His hands. I pray that I am adequate in sharing this incredible testimony He's given me.

Heart Update - Part II

I wish I could articulate everything that's happened over the past several weeks, days, and these last hours leading up to heart surgery. On the whole, I've felt eerily calm going into what I'm now calling my next crazy adventure.

The book of Philippians has been what I'm constantly returning to. It's been a battle of spiritual warfare, as doubts and fears are constantly being planted in and try to grow. But I keep returning to Paul, and the Word as a weapon against these doubts and fears. 4:6-7 keep me stable, and replace the doubts and fears. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

4:12-13 remind me that my God is with me in any and every situation. And whatever situation I get placed in, He will work it to an ultimate purpose. So I should be content knowing that there is always God's hand at work in my life.
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

1:12 reminds me that this is an opportunity to witness and share the gospel. And I should share the hope I have with others.
Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel.

Even in prison, Paul advances the gospel through how he deals with his trials. Even in prison, Paul is content. Even in prison, Paul is not anxious, but at peace.

I would covet your prayers. The safe surgery and recovery, but specifically for me to continue use this as an opportunity to witness to others, and strengthen my own faith as He carries me over this trial.